Family Home Evening

Our church has a tradition of putting family as a high priority in our daily lives.  A practice that has been stressed to us is a once per week family night, when we take time to discuss our religious and family beliefs, and re-establish a connection with one another.  We have been told that this will keep our families from falling apart, and protect our children from being pulled away from us.  We are promised that if we will uphold this tradition, we will find our values being transferred to our children much more deeply, and our feeling of family love and unity will be given greater strength, and bring us greater joy.  Family night is generally set aside as Monday evening, when the church schedules no events, and asks that the local congregations (wards) and members do the same.  The actual practice of this is left up to us.  Some families are better than others about observing this tradition.

I find that TV can kill a family night faster than anything.  Even if it's our great plan to watch something together, at least someone will find the show choice dull and go off alone.  It's not very interactive, and we don't feel any closer after doing it.  So last night, when my husband came home and turned on a movie, my first instinct was to whine, complain, stomp off, etc.  But I didn't, because something in his manner had been so gentle, so loving, I had no fight in me.  Kaylee and I put some cookies in the oven for our treat, and we all ate cold cereal and milk and fresh peaches for dinner so I wouldn't be wasting family time cleaning up the kitchen.

After the movie was over, the kids started to scatter, my husband started to channel surf, and yet again, I had an opportunity to whine, stomp, complain, feel sorry for myself, say that no one cared but me, etc. etc.  But I didn't.

I asked my husband if he minded if we had a quick lesson.  He called the kids back in, we sang a song, had a 3 minute discussion about a subject of Faith, read a scripture, and we sang a song again.  Then we prayed, played a game (The Hokie-Pokie,) followed by a family hug.  I felt a warmth begin to grow inside.  The children settled down, and were so happy and excited to have our attention, they seemed in those minutes, more confident and secure.  Then we all enjoyed some cookies together, served by my daughter and me.  I could feel us connecting as we smiled and enjoyed one another.  Our home felt peaceful, loving, and warm.  We felt a stronger loyalty and love, and get this, it only took 8 minutes!  When we went to bed, I felt powerful, confident, and calm, and the children settled down nicely, even though they'd just had cookies.

Taking Back Our Power


Instead of being yanked around from one mile marker to the next, Family Night teaches first ourselves and then our children that WE are in control of our lives.  A feeling of strength enters us and our home, and a sense of security begins to evolve.  There are many things that can ruin this feeling, but this is a tool for connection and most importantly, re-connection.

Mistakes I've Made and Learned From

Mistakes with my first child, I often became overwhelmed because I thought I had to teach her everything, and my own pride drove me to want her to do everything faster and better. She was very bright, but so often I focused on what I wanted her to learn next, that I didn't just stop and let her enjoy her babyhood, especially once her brother came along. I pushed her to grow up too fast, and now I look back and realize how it just slipped away, and she'll never be a baby again!

My second child was constantly compared to his sister, and most unfairly, even though I knew better, I just couldn't help it. He was slower at everything, at first, and I think I babied him too much. He did learn to talk very rapidly, and was compared as faster than his sister on that. He refused to sign before he spoke, which was odd to me, but he seemed to be an auditory learner, and really used those excellent ears of his. He didn't want to learn to sign until he got talking down. It took me a long time to accept that, when I compared him to Kaylee who signed much more than talked for a long time. I spent his entire babyhood looking back at Kaylee's instead of just enjoying the ride, and now, those three short years are gone!

Now with my third child, I've finally learned to just enjoy him as he is, and not compare him, or push him to grow and learn any faster than he does naturally. I am more able to relax and laugh with him, and just enjoy every day as it comes, and sit back and marvel at him, instead of worrying that he needs to be taught this, and that, and so-n-so is already doing this, should he be doing that too? I don't care about any of that any more!

Kevin is also there with me, and we often laugh when we see our old selves in new parents. It's cute to watch but we're so glad that we've learned and grew up a bit. We are definitely "growing up with our kids." Living in the PRESENT. That is the main lesson I've learned, and I'm loving it!! "Kennie" is tiny, and does everything at his own pace. I just have to figure out how to keep the house clean when I have a baby. I haven't figured that out yet, but I'm not anxious about that either. I'm sure I'll learn.

Now, you'd think that we've learned our lesson and no longer push our daughter to learn and grow faster, and compare Peter to his sister, but alas, it is not that simple. It seems to have become a habit, and a way of relating to them that has become entrenched in our relationship with them. Now that we're aware of what we've been doing, we're trying to change that relationship, and we have small victories here and there.

For instance, I was fretting that my daughter had forgotten all the words I'd once taught her to read, and she was slow at learning her colors, and still can't write her name, even though all the other kids in her primary class can write their names. I wrote to Kirk Martin of Celebrate Calm expressing my frustrations at trying to teach her when she was just not willing to sit down and learn with me.

He reminded me that it is foolish to compare her to other children her age. "Relax and enjoy her!" He said. I realized he was right, and I knew it, and told my husband the same thing, and we forced ourselves to do just that. Now I see that she has excelled in other ways, and she's just learning different things, and has chosen to focus on non-academic learning for now, and THAT'S OKAY. She is fine, and I need to be too!! Still I learn, and still I grow. Slowly, slowly, but surely.