Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Counting Blessings

I was reviewing my recent posts, and as Josephine pointed out, I seemed so sad. Funny thing is, I'm not sad, I'm actually pretty happy. Granted, I have had to redefine happiness since I married and had children, but I never knew true joy until I became a wife and mother. I never knew true ecstacy until I gave birth, and I never knew true humility until I watched my 2-yr-old immitate me. I look at my two children, miracles God gave me, and I know I'm the luckiest woman alive. When I share a moment and laugh with my husband, I know there's no greater joy on earth than to love and be loved. What more could I ask? (Apart from elves to come at night and do my dishes... ;) ) Really, I am so blessed! I bet you other mothers can identify.

Sometimes I have to step back and remind myself that I am happy. The other day my sister Karma came to town with her kids, and she and I merged at Mom's house. We played outside with the kids, made dinner, laughed our hearts out, and I realized, I was smiling! I hadn't smiled in awhile because I was focusing on housework which I hate, and I wasn't enjoying the ride. I felt Happy! My sister experienced the same phenomenon--we basked in it, and didn't want it to end. We were able to have meaningful adult conversation, enjoy the kids who didn't quarrel or cry, and deepen bonds with eachother. It was the perfect evening. We talked about the Happiest Days of our lives. It was something to think about. What day was the happiest you've ever had? I think for me it was when I was the closest to God, and He let me know one day that I could be eternally happy if I were to marry Kevin. I considered my wedding day, or my children's birthdays, but those days were full of so many ups and downs and insecurities, I'm not sure they were the happiest if you look at the whole day.

Karma's happiest was similar to mine. Hers was also the day she knew that God had blessed her marriage. Her second was the day her baby girl finally smiled at her. It took awhile, and we moms wait and wait for that sign of recognition that makes the work of the new baby worth it, so when it came for her after a month, you can imagine her tears of joy.

My mom's happiest day was one day when all the laundry was folded and put away, the dishes were dried and put away, the house was clean, the children were playing happily outside, and as my mom watched from the window, my brother got ready to go into the street, and just as mom almost bolted out to stop him, big sister Tamigene gently redirected him to safety. With tears streaming down her face, mom knelt down and offered a prayer of thanks. Her work, for part of one day, was finished. That really was a miracle for a mother of three (I wasn't born yet)! Mom laughed when she told us about it, because it seemed so simple, but it only happened once, and she's never forgotten it!

Thank goodness for those happiest of days--the blessings that help us cope with everything life throws at us.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Death, Easter, and Faith In Life

On April 6th my dad passed away. Easter was his viewing, and the Monday after was his funeral. I miss my dad, and I worry about my mom. This loss, however, wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I guess the opportunity to say goodbye helped, and the fact that we know the pain of loss, and I guess its something you sort of get used to. Also, it brings us comfort to know where he is, and who he's with. I believe he's still around sometimes, along with my brother and grandmother, and nieces and nephews who passed some years ago. Losing a parent helped me enter the world of grownups a little more. Good can come of every situation. My mom probably hasn't seen the good yet, but that could take the rest of her life to figure out. My dad's dad doesn't understand why he, an 80 yr-old man has been spared while his son was taken at 56. But we try to just have faith that God is in control. Faith has become easier as I become older. I can see that the Lord is working to better me, because I trust Him much more now, and I have peace in my heart that I used to long for. I thank my God for the gift of Faith.