I have been married to my husband for 5 years, and at first, I thought I married him because I loved him. Then I thought I'd married him because I was tricked! Now I know that I married him because I would have been incomplete without him.
I love this man more today than yesterday, and it's not because life has been smooth and easy with him. It's not because he gives me roses or plans romantic dinners or surprises for me. It's not because we have the same interests or talents, or appreciate one another's talents and interests. It's not because we meet eachothers' needs, or even have the same ideas about life and raising children. It's not because he never loses his temper, and cheerfully helps out around the house. It's not because he loves the children. It's not because he loves me. It's not because he values the same things I value, or respects the same things I respect. Those things, all of them, come and go. The reason I love him is that he is part of me. Living without him would be living only half a life. He is not responsible for my happiness, but he is part of my happiness, as are my children.
Last night I wanted to go to a George Dyer concert I'd been looking forward to for some time. Kevin called, and had decided to eat out and wouldn't come home until an hour after the concert began. I pleaded with him, but his mind was set. I could have moped and decided to stay at home fuming that my interests weren't important to him. In fact, I started to! But then a friend called, and said, "why don't you see if you can pile the kids into my car and we can bring them together?" I was going to say, no no, my needs aren't important to my husband, and I know my kids won't be able to sit for 2 hours and listen to singing, so I'll stay home. But then I realized how stupid that would be! We piled up the kids and went, then I was able to call my husband after an hour into the concert and the kids were tired, wired, and getting wild, and he came and took all three home. He did not care about missing the concert, because his interests are not the same as mine, something that I am very grateful for at times!
He looked like a white knight to me when I saw him walk through the door of the concert. He had such a beautiful, rested, and loving look as he embraced his kids. I realized that sometimes, he just needs to unwind a little before facing the rabble. Who can blame him? He was able to greet them happily instead of with hunger and stress hanging over him.
I'm so glad I brought the kids, because before they ate quite so many cookies, they did have a wonderful time appreciating the incredible singing. Peter especially, with his love of singing, was completely overcome with the beauty, and seemed to be singing with George in Spirit, eyes peeled, breathing with him, mimiking his facial expressions. George Dyer, for those who don't know, is an Opera singer, who is a brother/nephew (nephew who was raised as a brother for a time) to my Branch President and cousin David Light. George put on a free concert for the Floyd area as a greeting from the LDS church to the area. What a marvelous, smooth, rich, delicious voice! After singing two hours to a CD, he didn't have even a trace of raspy fatigue in his voice. That is true talent! (He also sung at Pampa's funeral, and learned in just a few hours, a very difficult song he'd never heard before, sung it perfectly, with feeling!) David and George also sang together for a song, which was a real treat, as David also has a beautiful, rich and velvety voice.
After the kids were gone, I got to sit and enjoy a cup of cider, and feel all the muscles in my back unwind. I was able to let the beauty in, and feel it fill my soul up with delight. It was the perfect evening, thanks to a good friend, a flexible attitude, and my darling husband.
Kevin is my soul mate, because I choose for him to be. My Mom used to say that about my Dad, but I didn't get how wonderful that is, until I experienced it myself. I have a choice, and I choose him! That gift of free will is the greatest gift that God has given me! I look at Kevin, not as he is now, but as he can be. I see in him, not what he does and says, but who he is becoming, the seed of a God. I see in him the best parts of my children. In his eyes I see that precious light that I also see in my children't eyes, that light that went out for awhile, when life was all about scraping from one day to the next. Now, when life is about working toward quality and self mastery, the light has returned to all of us, and we're experiencing the joy and rest and peace that we never knew we could!
This is undenyable proof to me that there is a God. Purely natural selection would not give our minds the ability to find joy. Survive, yes, but joy...joy is the design of a creator who cares!
Joy, love, peace, enlightenment, self-control, all these things are not neccessary for survival of the species. But they are available to those who are willing to believe in something higher than themselves. Believe in the truth, no matter what men say, believe that truth is true, and no half-truth or lie matters.
This truth is why I am still married to my husband, and why I love him so dearly and deeply. Without God, marriage is useless, and denies the species of a more diverse breeding pool. Without God, there is no hope for becoming better or more than we are now. There is no reason to educate beyond survival. Why spend our lives learning if all that knowledge dies with us? Why spend a lifetime working out problems with our families and spouses, learning tolerance, unconditional love, respect, and laughter if there is no such relationship available after death? Why not just compete for the best and most we can get in life? Why do we all feel drawn to this other way of living? Searching for knowledge, improving relationships, finding truth and happiness isn't found in the animal kingdom. Why are we different?
It is because we are children of a God, and we all have seeds of greatness planted in us that we are unconsciously driven to realize. Next time you feel that urge to reach beyond yourself, realize that it's because you have the natural pull toward godhood, because you are the child of a God. You may not be ready for the fullest desires of your heart, but never give up, because this life continues on and on, and so can your marriage, if you make that choice, and do what it takes.