Education

I can now say honestly that I am a homeschool mom.  I have a real curriculum that I use to teach my children.  I stray from it daily, but I do use it as a guide.  I have goals, which will also have to be flexible, as unexpected issues come up. 


Kaylee, my dear little 6 year old isn't very into reading yet.  She reads very little--only 7 or so words.  She knows the alphabet song, but the visual letters allude her.  I teach her, she learns, and then forgets.  Over and over, the cycle is repeated.  When I prayed about what I should do with her this year, I got the unmistakable answer that I should homeschool her.  I am glad she is not in a setting where she is compared to other kids.  


That said, I can see that my lofty goals for this year may have to be taken down a few notches.  Yesterday I found myself fighting back tears and getting short with the kids as I fought my own feelings of inadequacy.  We moms blame ourselves when we see our kids struggling.  It's silly and illogical, and harmful in the long run.  So I have had to take this to the Lord in prayer, and ask Him to give me peace and confidence in this calling He gave me.  


I have a lot to teach, but most of all, a lot to learn.  Patience seems to be the key, which I have yet to master.  I have to learn to see the world through their eyes.   I can't just do whatever worked for me.  I have to actually KNOW my kids.  


I thought I was intuitive.  I thought I was attentive.  I thought I knew my kids from the inside out.  I spend almost every waking minute with them.  How could I not know them?  


Yet just today I have had to be honest with myself.  Do I really SEE them?  Or do I just see my own anxieties, hopes, dreams, and pride?  When my husband lovingly said me this evening that my daughter may not be the English whiz that her mother was, or even want to be, it opened up a new concept to me.  He pointed out that she could be more wired to excel at math, or science, or something other than my passion.  (I had not even considered that my daughter would be different from me.)  


He also shared with me that he developed a keen visualization talent by listening to stories as a child who couldn't read.  As a result, he is an excellent map reader, direction finder, and truck driver who can drive, park and back up trucks easily, as he can visualize the dimensions of the vehicle he's in.  (As opposed to me, who read easily as a child, yet couldn't find my way out of a paper bag, and can barely stay between the lines of the road.)  


I learned today that all of us have our own path in life, and there is a reason for it.  My way may not be the best way for someone else.  So tonight I pray for patience, peace, and understanding, that I may guide without pushing, and lead without anxiety.  My children's education is my responsibility, not their happiness.  That is entirely up to them.

Help for the Harried Mom!

Help for the Harried Homeschooler by Christine M. Field.

This book is amazing, and poorly named, I feel. It is so much more than "help." It is a perspective check and if necessary, shifter. Field brings it all back to Christ, which is really what all of us are all about. She shows how laundry and dishes and mopping the floor can and are part of teaching our kids, and that these things can be used as tools of learning as we complete these tasks. She shows how we don't need to compartmentalize every aspect of our lives into categories. She gives so much that would be helpful to anyone, even non-homeschoolers, such as her advice on discipline how-to's.

1. Establish and Enforce Clear Lines of Authority in your Home and in your Homeschool.

The way to do this is not the way that you and I may have been raised with, by parents ordering us around, with harsh consequences for dis-obedience. That is not what Field is about. She says to establish Christ, or God as the Authority in our home! How simple! How true! "Let your children see you obeying and honoring God with your life. Then expect them to obey both you and God." Expect from them the same things that God expects from you.

She does talk about a woman who's No means no, and Yes means yes, (the second part we often overlook, but should not!)

She also teaches that to gain the children's respect, we respect their father. I have never thought of this in this way before, but it's true! "Acceptance of [the children's] dad's authority gives her children a healthy model for accepting hers."

2. Establish Clear Expectations based on Biblical Values

(This is made even richer with the advice of Kirk Martin.)

When we teach as Jesus taught, we teach in terms of principles. A much more powerful way of teaching "don't hit your sister," is to put it in a frame. "In our family we treat each other with respect. Hitting is not respecting, no matter how mad you get." You can frame it however you like, with "Loving," or "Kindness," but get down to the heart of the matter. In my personal experience, this can be done very well, or be done very badly and destructively. The difference is in the tone and manner. When I got mad at my daughter for hitting my son, my Mama Bear claws came out, and I ended up really hurting her feelings, and establishing battle lines, and her as the enemy! I did this by standing over her wagging my finger shouting, "IN OUR FAMILY...blah blah blah!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RESPECT EACHOTHER! YOU DON'T HIT NO MATTER HOW MAD YOU GET! Don't EVER lay a hand on my son! Blah blah blah..." But since I was screaming at her, she was hearing: "I DON'T LOVE YOU! I CARE MORE ABOUT HIM THAN YOU! I WISH YOU WEREN'T MY CHILD!" She then acted out even more.

After learning from Celebrate Calm, however, these discussions go like this now:

I send her to her room, or force her to her room. After a few minutes to collect myself, I go in the room and sit down. I don't say anything until I sit down. Then, if I'm really upset, I put my feet up and search for and find compassion for her in my heart. If I can't, I pray for it. Then I say, "You want to roll a ball to me, and I'll roll it to you?" If she says no, I know she's really upset, and I ask if she wants to say a prayer with me. I may say it, or she may say it. If she won't cooperate, then I do anyway. When I'm talking about her, she'll listen. The prayer is genuine and a heartfelt confession and plea to the Lord. We do this, and after the tension is eased, I may or may not ask about what happened. Usually once she is feeling like she can talk about it, she'll confess or ask questions about what occurred. I will then tell her the above statement in context of what happened, with a tone of love for her. Then we explore options for next time. She helps come up with a plan of what to do next time she gets really angry. After this she will often apologize to her brother of her own accord, which is what I'm looking for, and praise her for! If she doesn't, I'll remind her that she will feel so much better once she does. I usually find, though, that after several hours, if I'm making sure to be positive and cheerful and loving, setting an example for them, they really are sorry, they will say sorry again, and really mean it. I love that my 18 month old Kenny says "Sahyee" (sorry) frequently. I also apologize to them every time
I can, even if it's just a moment of harshness, because it's really good practice!

(During Family Home Evening the other night, we renewed our Calm Family Creed, which needed some renewing and re-focusing as we were begining to stray, I felt. Kaylee, age 5, was teaching the lesson, sort of. I said most of it into her ear, but she felt proud of her role as teacher. Then at the end I asked her, "What's your favorite part about our Calm Family Creed?" She said, "You sit down." I knew then that the calm in our home is as priceless to her and her brothers as it is to Kevin and me.)

3. Establish Consequences and Consistantly Enforce Them

There are so many many books and programs all based on this. I won't say anything much, except that she sites a great author who gives guidelines for establishing consequences. She says, "finding consequences is an art:"

• It should be reasonable.
  
• It should be enforceable.
  
• It should be clearly related to the offense.
  
• It should be consistent with nurturing care.
  
• Anger, resentment, and retaliation have no place in an appropriate consequence.
  

Those last two principles are often forgotten in other parenting books. But without them, the entire process is worthless, because the eventual outcome will be the very thing we're trying to avoid. Our children will become enemies to us and their siblings.

4. Reinforce Positive Choices and Behavior

She gives examples from the Bible to help with this. Proverbs 1:9, Exodus 20:12, Isaih 1:19, for special things you can do for your kids when they've been really good. Let them stay up late one night, take them out for a special meal, give them a crown or necklace to honor them. No really! Sometimes it just takes a little something extra to say, "well done!" We're proud of you!

5. Give gentle direction when required

See above Celebrate Calm way of giving gentle direction framed in love. She sites Ephesians 6:4 and Clossians 3:21. Then Proverbs 16:21, great scriptures to take note of.

6. Pray for Your Children

This can change the feeling in our hearts and homes faster than anything, and it is the source of my own transformation as a Mother. I believe it is everything and the key that will unlock many mysteries and closed doors in our relationships. The Lord WILL turn your heart to your children, and your children's hearts to you, and He will teach you what you need to stop doing, and do differently, and what you're doing right that you ought to feel good about and do more. If He can do it for me, he can do it for you!

Learning to Teach

"The woman [or man or child] who DOES not read has little advantage over the woman [or man or child] who CANNOT read."

-Author Unknown

I am teaching my children. This is my life right now. But all of us, whether our kids are in public school or not, are the primary teacher for our children. In this task I'm assisted currently by some important books that have helped me immensely! Here's one of them:

Learning All the Time by John Holt "How small children begin to read, write, count, and investigate the world, without being taught."

This is an incredible and inspired book about harnessing a child's natural ability to learn, and teaching them by sharing the joy of learning with them, instead of cramming it down their throats while remaining separated emotionally from them. The act of sitting down and reading with a child, a book they are interested in, is the best teaching they can receive, and this tells why. When I read this, I realized, I can do that!!!! I don't have to have special training, I just have to share my heart with them and my love for reading! He also tells about how it takes a maximum of 30 cumulative hours of sitting and reading to and with someone before they, (adult or child) will take the reigns and begin to read on their own. Some instruction will still be needed, of course, but should only be given when they ask. The importance is not that they read certain words in a certain order, but that they want to be successful. He says not to teach or focus on the direction of reading left to right, top to bottom. That is the way we write, but reading need not be so strict. My grampa, Vearl McBride, a professor as well, has taught me the same principle.

He taught me: Do not assume kids know that left to right = before to after, and don't teach it. Just teach placement. This letter goes here, this letter goes here. This says this, that says that. Holt says the worst teacher of reading in the world is Big Bird. It doesn't matter that Bat and Ball and Boy start with B. So what! Kids don't care either. It doesn't help them want to read. Many people for several generations have learened to read the Big Bird way. Those kids, while they did learn to read, grew up to hate reading, unless some other parent or adult also taught them to love to read by reading to and with them, subjects the child and adult enjoyed.

He teaches that our TONE is crucial in this. Don't talk to them like they're stupid. I once said to my husband in front of the children, "DUH..." when annoyed with him. My daughter instantly learned that "DUH" means stupid or dumb. Just from my tone. Yikes! I've been more careful about my tone ever since. So when I take a tone of annoyance and drudgery when giving her instruction, she thinks, "You think I'm stupid, You think I'm dumb. You think I can't do this." Some kids will try anyway. My daughter will not. Instantly she will stop trying if any negative tone is used with her. I am so glad I understand why now, and I can make sure I am very careful to be positive and patient, and more patient, and then even more patient. I've learned to say in my mind, "She WILL learn. She WILL learn. She is bright and intelligent, and smart, and she WILL learn, because she wants to!" That is where all talents and intelligence is begun. With the desire to learn them. So, as Holt has taught me, I'm teaching my kids to read from the time they are in the womb and I read aloud to them. As they grow to be babies, I teach them to read by handing them a book and saying, "This is yours." From the time they're born, we sit and read with them, laugh at the characters, I delight in the truths I find, and I explore the pictures and colors with them, and teach them how to learn from these things by taking those things and applying them to their world. "Do we have a ball in our house too? Do we have something that color in this room? Do you feel that way too sometimes? What do you thing she should do?" Teaching them to learn IS teaching them to read, and teaching them to read IS teaching them to learn. So that is all we're focusing on right now. Everything else is frosting.

Holt says: We begin teaching children to read when we teach them that there are great treasures found in books, wonderful stories and excitement to be found

Mr. Rogers said, "To read to a child you don't have to be an actor. You just have to enjoy the book with them."

That is the key to all learning I believe.

Have fun! Love it! Live it! Share it!

Create an atmosphere of reading and learning. Find a good book to enjoy, and if the child asks, read it to him. If it's too boring for him, he'll walk away, and that is just fine. What is important, is that when the question is asked, "Mommy, will you read to me?" The answer, if at all possible, must always be a resounding,

"Yes! I'd love to!"