Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Happy Birthday, my son

Dear Son,

You are 1 year old now. At this time 1 year ago, I was gazing at your perfect face, wondering what your name was going to be. You changed everything. Your birth, your personality, your smile, your love changed me, your dad, and your brother and sister. Some people thought that after we had a boy and a girl that we didn't need any more kids, but I always knew better. We needed you. Thank you for coming to us.

The day you were born my love for your dad deepened, my commitment to him strengthened, and I felt a peace and happiness I never knew was possible in this life.

You were born in our bedroom with a midwife, on the very bed that your big brother was born on with the same midwife, and your big sister was nursed on. Your dad was sitting behind me; he was my strength and comfort. He prayed with me, he cried with me, and he laughed with me, encouraged me, and believed in me. He was everything and everyone I needed right then.

Instead of complaining about the pain of labor, I looked forward to each step closer to meeting you. Instead of wishing it were over, I savored each contraction as an opportunity to draw closer to God, and to your dad. Near the end, when it was time to push you out, I had to overcome some fear, and our midwife helped me by telling me scriptures, and I hugged your Daddy's legs as I cried just long enough to get my feelings out. Then I felt a wave of excitement and happiness come over me, and I told the midwife and your dad, "I want to hold my baby so much!" Finally, you were born, and I got to hold you with Daddy's arms around my own, in our first loving embrace.

You were perfect and beautiful. You were tiny, snuggly, and soft; and loved to be held all the time. Your brother and sister loved you so much! Sometimes they fought over who got to hold you. You were "Peter's baby," but you were also Kaylee's baby, because she didn't remember when Peter was her baby. Peter would often say, "Mommy, will you please feed my baby?" Kaylee would say, "This is my brother-sister."

Mommy nursed you, but you were the hardest to nurse, and we went through 4 weeks of pain to get it right. I'm grateful now that I went through it all, and with the help of Roxanne, our wonderful lactation consultant, we never gave up till we got it right. Now you and I enjoy a bond that fills both our souls with happy calm and comfort. I am thankful for that struggle because it forced me down to my knees, and my love for God grew as I spoke with him earnestly day after day.

You changed everything. You changed my heart and softened it toward things I needed to be more open to. You were the 3rd and final reason I needed to have the humility to grow, the faith to look for a better way to be, and a softer way to love and teach. I love you my son, and I remember this as a changing day for all of us, when you were born one year ago, today.

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